Re: attachment

[Guest guest]

JW: Dennis's post came to me without any attachment.

on 5/10/2003 4:40 PM, jwwright at jwwright@... wrote:

> Hi Dennis,

> Are you attaching something to each of your posts deliberately or do you have

> a virus doing it? I never open attachments so I'm curious.

>

> Regards.

>

> ----- Original Message -----

> From: Dennis De Jarnette

>

> Sent: Saturday, May 10, 2003 11:44 AM

> Subject: [ ] bioavailable B-12

>

>

> I wonder about a meatless diet and B-12, how bioavailable is the b-12 in

> seaweed for instance. I remember reading that he b-12 in vitamin pills is not

> very bioavailable and this is why b-12 shots are given.

>

> Positive Dennis

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

wow thats a hard one i know explaining doesnt go well how about saying how much nicer it is and he will make better memories with the new one From: <amandabeneteau@...>Subject: ( ) attachment Date: Wednesday, January 5, 2011, 12:48 PM

We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11 year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any suggestions on what i should do.

[Guest guest]

OMG....totally my son. He always says they are his memories. Does not matter

what it is! I cannot get rid on anything & usually move them to the trash

without him knowing, like when he with his Dad for the weekend. He has never

allowed me to take the tags off his stuffed animals (you know, the ones put on

by the store. He had one that fell off and you would have thought he lost his

best friend. I want to have a garage sale & get rid of his baby stuff, but he

gets so upset about me getting rid of all his memories!!! Even just yesterday

he starting crying out of the blue...when I asked him what was wrong he saId he

was sad because the Christmas tree was gone! We has this same episode the night

before because he realized his little tree was not in his room! And these thing

are only put away down in the basement!! I recently put my house up for sale

And am not sure how I am going to get through this! I am having a hard enough

time with it myself, cannot imagine how much harder he will make it....

>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a

little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11

year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded

to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has

since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any

suggestions on what i should do.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm a horrible softy, but do you have room for it in HIS room or in a basement? He'll catch on in time. Hugs.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: <amandabeneteau@...>Subject: ( ) attachment Date: Wednesday, January 5, 2011, 6:48 AM

We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11 year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any suggestions on what i should do.

[Guest guest]

This sounds like my daughter. She had an especially hard time when it came time

to get rid of a very old car and get a new one. Here are some of the

transitional things we did:

Had a " goodbye " ceremony -- yep, we actually sat in the car and drank a " toast "

with juice to thank the car for all of the time we'd spent in it. Maybe you

could do that on the couch?

We took pictures of it, and her in it, so she could have the PHOTO to remember

instead of the car. I now do this -- take pictures so she can have the picture

instead of the object.

Also, with things that we are throwing away, we cut a piece of the fabric or

some small part of the " thing " for her to keep.

With the couch, is there a way you could let him have a cushion to keep? Or cut

a swatch of the fabric?

We looked at the issue for my daughter (who is adopted) as fear of letting go,

associations with the " thing " that she connected strongly to family and us. For

highly sensitive kids like ours, maybe they connect texture and smell more

directly with emotions (Ie -- couch = being comfy with mom = security, therefore

giving away couch = losing security.)

She has gotten MUCH better about this (she is now 15 but doing just what you

said your son is at that same age) so I think that by letting him hang on in

some way, it'll reassure him and help him move forward. That's my theory,

anyway...

Diane

>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a

little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11

year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded

to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has

since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any

suggestions on what i should do.

>

[Guest guest]

Too funny.....my son would always say he was keeping everything for his son!!!

He was probably all of 6 at the time

Re: ( ) Re: attachment

Photos!!!!! Loads of them!!!!!

We moved house before I learned about AS and all it means and could not

understand why my then 4 year old dd was grieving for the loss of her

bedroom carpet at the old house!

We have found that photos - not matter how obscure the object - REALLY

helps. Dd often takes her photos with her too if we are away from home

for a weekend and they really help her through. She will share them

people too and as her public album is full of pictures of our house, her

toys, family pets etc it is a natural conversation starter.

We have all manner of photos we have taken over the years that means

whenever she misses something she can go to the picture of it without us

having to have necessarily keep it. We also have friends with children

older and younger than dd and she finally does not mind letting go of

her junior things so long as they go to Isabel (her younger friend).

Isabel's Mum and I fortunately have a great relationship so she is happy

for anything my dd has decided Isabel " needs " to go to her and then she

quietly disposes of it after that. I have tried to explain to dd that

we would need two houses at least to keep all her toys and clothes from

babyhood to now (age 10 almost) and she really reluctantly can see that,

but for ages we had tears at me getting rid of stuff and she wanted to

keep it all " for her children " !! Even now though, most things disappear

out of the house under cover of darkness once she is asleep or away!!

I do highly recommend photos though!

Good luck, a

[Guest guest]

I would let him keep his memories and let him keep the cushion. My daughter is

27 and still has this stuffed bird that she had as a very young child. I can't

tell you how many times I had to sew it up and fix it for her. It helps relax

her when she is stressed. I don't know how verbal your child is but you could

ask him about those memories and what the couch meant to him. Kids on the

spectrum hate change of any kind. They have a hard time giving up on things that

they had a special attachment to. My daughter gave up her other stuffed animals

and her sheepskin blanket as she grew older, but this stuffed bird is something

she just can't give up. She talks to it when she is having a hard time, cuddles

with it to relax. The cushion may be that for him.

Robin

>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a

little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11

year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded

to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has

since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any

suggestions on what i should do.

>

[Guest guest]

That brings back so many memories...when we got rid of our coffee table my son got so upset....when his father got a new car...he got upset. It has to do with changes. Our children do not like changes. My son cried and carried on for weeks and weeks when we had to change doctors and dentists. He was so upset for weeks on end when our cat died and he wasn't even that close to the cat.

If he wants to hang onto the pillow...let him. It is okay. My son who is 15 stills has his baby blanket...it is tucked away...but I am not allowed to get rid of it...he doesn't use it...he is one big shredded blanket ....but it is his. He was this way with a lot of things...but eventually he let go. Like stuffed animals. You son just doesn't like change and so I would say let it go...let him have the pillow...it is not harming anything.

And, later, have a talk with him about things that change and how to deal with it. Do it when he is in a good mood and is capable of listening. Maybe see if there is some kind of book you can read to him about changes....

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Cachia <denise092769@...> Sent: Wed, January 5, 2011 9:29:24 AMSubject: Re: ( ) attachment

wow thats a hard one i know explaining doesnt go well how about saying how much nicer it is and he will make better memories with the new one

From: <amandabeneteau@...>Subject: ( ) attachment Date: Wednesday, January 5, 2011, 12:48 PM

We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11 year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any suggestions on what i should do.

[Guest guest]

We have had the same problems with my daughter. My husband is the same way too.

It is a process I think not to let this become hoarding.

The process is to work toward the least amount to keep.

So if now it has to be the whole cushion, perhaps you can work

toward just keeping a part of the fabric or then just a picture.

It takes time, if you don't want major meltdowns. You work through

I think what is collections and what is not. And what minimal

can be kept to remember and what can be let go.

Sometimes if it is extreme and anxiety is clearly present

the SSRI drugs (zoloft, prozac, lexapro) in low doses

helps reduce the anxiety associated with these kinds of problems.

I hope this helps.

Pam

>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a

little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11

year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded

to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has

since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any

suggestions on what i should do.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, this brings back memories. My oldest ds is now 22 yo (HFA) but when he was a little guy, we had the exact same problem. Never knew how attached he was to the old ratty couch. lol.

I think it is a lot to do with their high anxiety level and how making changes will negatively affect that. If things stay the same, they can deal better with life. Changes require more effort. Well, my theory based on my own experience with this. Let him keep a cushion in his room for a while. If you had throw pillows, use the same ones for while on the new couch. This stopped being a problem as he got older and then, we also used meds for his extra high anxiety level.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) attachment

We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11 year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any suggestions on what i should do.

[Guest guest]

very familiar. My ds (13) has had serious attachment issues to " things " and

non-things. We had his room painted from a light blue to a taupe color - trying

to make his room a little more " big boy " when he was 10 and he completely

freaked out. He was angry and very sad. It does get better. We accommodate him

as much as possible with letting him hang on to specific toys/blankets/pillows

that he is very attached to

>

> Wow, this brings back memories. My oldest ds is now 22 yo (HFA) but when he

was a little guy, we had the exact same problem. Never knew how attached he was

to the old ratty couch. lol.

>

> I think it is a lot to do with their high anxiety level and how making changes

will negatively affect that. If things stay the same, they can deal better with

life. Changes require more effort. Well, my theory based on my own experience

with this. Let him keep a cushion in his room for a while. If you had throw

pillows, use the same ones for while on the new couch. This stopped being a

problem as he got older and then, we also used meds for his extra high anxiety

level.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Roxanna

> " I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government

from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of

them. " - Jefferson

>

>

>

>

>

> ( ) attachment

>

>

>

>

>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a

little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11

year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded

to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has

since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any

suggestions on what i should do.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow is right! My ds (10) had a 'lovey' - none of my other four ever had one particular one that they treasured, they would switch on and off between weekly favorites and sometimes nothing at all. Nothing ever really left the house with them. But my ds, YIKES... he had this one stuffed dog (it came along with the book Cat in the Hat from Kohl's and it was supposed to be Nevins the dog). He called him Spot. Had that ratty thing since he was about 3. It went with him EVERYWHERE. He'd have meltdowns in the car, the store, anywhere if he didn't have Spot with him. Somehow, he managed to lose him, so now he's carrying around a Lego helicopter he made. Everywhere... <SIGH>~JackieFrom: "leahkasparek@..." <leahkasparek@...> Sent: Thu, January 6, 2011 8:18:31 PMSubject: Re: ( ) attachment

very familiar. My ds (13) has had serious attachment issues to "things" and non-things. We had his room painted from a light blue to a taupe color - trying to make his room a little more "big boy" when he was 10 and he completely freaked out. He was angry and very sad. It does get better. We accommodate him as much as possible with letting him hang on to specific toys/blankets/pillows that he is very attached to

>

> Wow, this brings back memories. My oldest ds is now 22 yo (HFA) but when he was a little guy, we had the exact same problem. Never knew how attached he was to the old ratty couch. lol.

>

> I think it is a lot to do with their high anxiety level and how making changes will negatively affect that. If things stay the same, they can deal better with life. Changes require more effort. Well, my theory based on my own experience with this. Let him keep a cushion in his room for a while. If you had throw pillows, use the same ones for while on the new couch. This stopped being a problem as he got older and then, we also used meds for his extra high anxiety level.

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Roxanna

> "I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

>

>

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> ( ) attachment

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>

> We recently bought a new couch, our old one was in really bad shape and a little gross we kept it covered. When we went to throw the old one out my 11 year old had a melt down sat on the couch and would not move he then proceeded to grab one of the cushions and lock himself in the bathroom with it. He has since hidden it and does not want to give it up. He says it has memories. any suggestions on what i should do.

>