angry, hurting

[Guest guest]

Yup. Been there with the angry thing. When my initial back " thing " I had, I woke

up flopping on the floor needing desperately to pee, couldn't, and paralyzed

from the waist down and getting worse. Had to call my Mom saying " I think I need

to go to the hospital like NOW " . Crawled to the phone I think... don't remember.

Was supposed to pick up my boyfriend at the airport that day in Boston in a

couple hours who had just helped drive a friends horses to Florida for the

winter, was flying home... He called me to confirm what time his flight was

arriving that morning. I was still home waiting for my " ride " to the ER. I told

him I couldn't feel my legs, was in TREMENDOUS pain, didn't know which hospital

I was gonna end up at, this was serious scary s**t, crying hysterically, and I

do not remember what exactly I said to him. But I do remember him asking

" well... who is going to come get me??? " like I gave a crap at the time. He then

asked me if I was FAKING IT so I wouldn't have to come get him... like that is

something anyone could or would fake. I HAD TO HANG UP ON HIM!!!

He did come see me every other day in the hospital, left me in tears every time.

My Mom came the other days he could did not. It was 2 1/2 hours from home. I was

31 at the time, thought I knew this guy so well. Thinking this might be the

" one " for me and all that. aaakkkk. One time he asked me if I liked being in the

hospital with all these " cute " Dr.s and med students around all the time (I was

an unusual interesting case I suppose).

So, ya. Having pain and a back problem might not seem to be obvious to most

people. We do try to hide the pain the best we can for out own sanity's sake.

It is only normal to want to look " normal " . We fight every day to try to deal

with the pain as much as we can to avoid taking too many pain meds. After all,

we are at the mercy of our doctors who could take them away at any time if they

choose to. That part I really hate. Scares me silly too. I dunno. My present doc

wants me to see a " shrink " now cause he doesn't understand why a condition I had

18 years ago should still be bothering me. WELL, I am 50 and GETTING OLD! Yes

the pain is once again getting acute to the point of tears. aaaakkkkk. Sorry I

vented tonite. The pain has me worried. I have a crummy Dr. I think. Have a

wonderful pain clinic though. " Seacoast PaineCare " for anybody in New England.

Just started going there.

in NH