Depressed

December 14, 2002

Hey thanks for the words of encouragement. I was speaking to my Mom on

the phone when it came in and I read her my letter and your response. Of

course there were some tears from me because of my feelings today. But she

told me to tell you be strong. My tongue also hurts today.and it's funny

because the seizure activity the I have destroys my appetite and if I don't

eat then it pushes me closer to that seizure threshold.But anyway having

shed a few tears today I am going to try and move on with my day.One of my

peeves after I have a seizure is the fact that I want to call people. even

though I don't know where I am in my own home. Plus I want to walk outside

and this sometimes is without pants or underwear depending how I was

sleeping. It is soooo confusing. But then again like you say I need to look

at others and consider myself blessed. It is just hard to do that.Thanks

for the feedback.

Darrell

Re: [ ] depressed

> I can understand fo sure. I had another gran mal on Thursday morning. 5

> min or so. Bit my tounge, got some nifty little strawberry bruises all

> over my back and right side of my face. I'm sore as all get out, but

> hey... at least I'm still here! One of the problems w/ living alone

> w/ epilepsy... you just never know.

> I also smoke, and although I haven't found it yet, I am sure there has

> to be a connection, since every time I try to quit I have a gran mal of

> some type. Mostly just stress I'm sure, but I am also sure that there

> has to be a chemical issue as well. I mean, it's nicotene, and if it can

> give you a buzz, then I'm sure it affects the brain somehow. Try to see

> the brighter side if you can. At least you have long periods w/o

> seizures, and at least that's good. I try to remind myself of the

> same.... many people here don't have that luxury so I try to keep

> positive. If I could get by on natural methods I would...stay there! I'm

> trying to find a way to get enough time off (like about 3 months or so)

> to go ahead and get off of my meds and onto a more natural remedy. Long

> stories of course, so I'll shut up on that note!

>

> I just bought all my groceries on Wed. Got all this wonderful food I

> love, and now I can't eat anything but liquids for almost a week cuz my

> toungue hurts so bad!!! AUUUUUUUuuuuugh!

>

> Take care of yourself, and try to never let your spiritual self get too

> bogged down. It's what keeps us afloat!

>

> Darrell McCall wrote:

>

> > Hey guys it's been awhile since I posted but have been keeping up with

> > my heart the emails of others.I guess I just need to vent a little. my

> > seizures started 5 years ago first petite then moving to grand mal.It

> > started in my sleep then progressed into my waking hours. I have opted

> > not to use medication and it has been up and down.Mostly up. I work

> > and I work out and maintain a " normal life " as best I can.My one bad

> > habit in the midst of trying to practice some form of health is that I

> > am addicted to smoking. A light smoker maybe three a day but none the

> > less I still smoke and I wonder if that could be the culprit.My last

> > holistic approach has been the parasite cleanse from Dr.hulda

> > and that worked well for 8 months or so but then the seizures came

> > back but only in my sleep.Yesterday was a bad day for me I had a gran

> > mal which last for only 15 to 20 seconds my wife tells me since she

> > often is the one who see's them.But it affects me so greatly

> > afterwards. Emotionally and Spiritually,but that aura is still

> > following me around today. and I am feeling really low today and just

> > needed to express my feelings to people who may understand.

> > Darrell

> >

December 14, 2002

I think for me the worst part of having seizures are the emotions that go with

them. The fear, anxiety and depression. I'm in a constant state of suppressed

fear and can easily be brought to tears...and laughter ..for some dumb reason.

Sometimes I don't want to be here anymore.

I saw a program the other day on the training of handicap dogs. These dogs would

warn their owners of seizures that were about to happen so that they could

prepare themselves. I've known about that..but, I could have sworn they said

that this dog warned its owner 50 minutes ahead of a grand mal. I immediately

thought...hmmm...if I had 50 minutes notice, I'd have time to take a valium or

klonopin not to mention all the other preparations I could make. I mean, even

if it were 15 minutes warning...I could lie down so I wouldn't get hurt..

protect my tongue.... and even make sure my pants were on..

....(sorry,,,couldn't resist). Anyway, it showed her lying down , arms wrapped

around her dog , her support ...waiting... and of course my tears started

flowing.

I know you don't have them very often, but you still may want to look into

it...for your own sanity. I'm going to.... because even when we seem to be

stable...you just never know...and the more control we have over this, the less

the stress.

Hope you start feeling better soon,

Lorinda

Darrell McCall <dmccall3@...> wrote:Hey guys it's been awhile since I

posted but have been keeping up with my heart the emails of others.I guess I

just need to vent a little. my seizures started 5 years ago first petite then

moving to grand mal.It started in my sleep then progressed into my waking hours.

I have opted not to use medication and it has been up and down.Mostly up. I work

and I work out and maintain a " normal life " as best I can.My one bad habit in the

midst of trying to practice some form of health is that I am addicted to

smoking. A light smoker maybe three a day but none the less I still smoke and I

wonder if that could be the culprit.My last holistic approach has been the

parasite cleanse from Dr.hulda and that worked well for 8 months or so but

then the seizures came back but only in my sleep.Yesterday was a bad day for me

I had a gran mal which last for only 15 to 20 seconds my wife tells me since she

often is the one who see's them.But it affects me so greatly afterwards.

Emotionally and Spiritually,but that aura is still following me around today.

and I am feeling really low today and just needed to express my feelings to

people who may understand.

Darrell

December 14, 2002

Hey thanks Lorinda, and it's okay about the pants.LOL I know what you mean

when you say that you sometimes don't want to be here. But I rush those

thoughts out as quickly as possible.I wish sometimes I had a valium to take.

But I don't so I just move on and try to cope.I am saying to myself today

that it will get better.And I am sure they will.I just feel like why me that

kinda sorry for your self attitude ya know.But it has helped so much just

today being able to write to those that understand.Take care of yourself and

when we shed tears lets try and remember that it will get better. By the way

are you on medication.

Darrell

Re: [ ] depressed

>

> I think for me the worst part of having seizures are the emotions that go

with them. The fear, anxiety and depression. I'm in a constant state of

suppressed fear and can easily be brought to tears...and laughter ..for some

dumb reason. Sometimes I don't want to be here anymore.

> I saw a program the other day on the training of handicap dogs. These dogs

would warn their owners of seizures that were about to happen so that they

could prepare themselves. I've known about that..but, I could have sworn

they said that this dog warned its owner 50 minutes ahead of a grand mal. I

immediately thought...hmmm...if I had 50 minutes notice, I'd have time to

take a valium or klonopin not to mention all the other preparations I could

make. I mean, even if it were 15 minutes warning...I could lie down so I

wouldn't get hurt.. protect my tongue.... and even make sure my pants were

on.. ...(sorry,,,couldn't resist). Anyway, it showed her lying down , arms

wrapped around her dog , her support ...waiting... and of course my tears

started flowing.

> I know you don't have them very often, but you still may want to look into

it...for your own sanity. I'm going to.... because even when we seem to be

stable...you just never know...and the more control we have over this, the

less the stress.

> Hope you start feeling better soon,

> Lorinda

> Darrell McCall <dmccall3@...> wrote:Hey guys it's been awhile since I

posted but have been keeping up with my heart the emails of others.I guess I

just need to vent a little. my seizures started 5 years ago first petite

then moving to grand mal.It started in my sleep then progressed into my

waking hours. I have opted not to use medication and it has been up and

down.Mostly up. I work and I work out and maintain a " normal life " as best I

can.My one bad habit in the midst of trying to practice some form of health

is that I am addicted to smoking. A light smoker maybe three a day but none

the less I still smoke and I wonder if that could be the culprit.My last

holistic approach has been the parasite cleanse from Dr.hulda and that

worked well for 8 months or so but then the seizures came back but only in

my sleep.Yesterday was a bad day for me I had a gran mal which last for only

15 to 20 seconds my wife tells me since she often is the one who see's

them.But it affects me so greatly afterwards. Emotionally and

Spiritually,but that aura is still following me around today. and I am

feeling really low today and just needed to express my feelings to people

who may understand.

> Darrell

>

December 14, 2002

I can understand fo sure. I had another gran mal on Thursday morning. 5

min or so. Bit my tounge, got some nifty little strawberry bruises all

over my back and right side of my face. I'm sore as all get out, but

hey... at least I'm still here! One of the problems w/ living alone

w/ epilepsy... you just never know.

I also smoke, and although I haven't found it yet, I am sure there has

to be a connection, since every time I try to quit I have a gran mal of

some type. Mostly just stress I'm sure, but I am also sure that there

has to be a chemical issue as well. I mean, it's nicotene, and if it can

give you a buzz, then I'm sure it affects the brain somehow. Try to see

the brighter side if you can. At least you have long periods w/o

seizures, and at least that's good. I try to remind myself of the

same.... many people here don't have that luxury so I try to keep

positive. If I could get by on natural methods I would...stay there! I'm

trying to find a way to get enough time off (like about 3 months or so)

to go ahead and get off of my meds and onto a more natural remedy. Long

stories of course, so I'll shut up on that note!

I just bought all my groceries on Wed. Got all this wonderful food I

love, and now I can't eat anything but liquids for almost a week cuz my

toungue hurts so bad!!! AUUUUUUUuuuuugh!

Take care of yourself, and try to never let your spiritual self get too

bogged down. It's what keeps us afloat!

Darrell McCall wrote:

> Hey guys it's been awhile since I posted but have been keeping up with

> my heart the emails of others.I guess I just need to vent a little. my

> seizures started 5 years ago first petite then moving to grand mal.It

> started in my sleep then progressed into my waking hours. I have opted

> not to use medication and it has been up and down.Mostly up. I work

> and I work out and maintain a " normal life " as best I can.My one bad

> habit in the midst of trying to practice some form of health is that I

> am addicted to smoking. A light smoker maybe three a day but none the

> less I still smoke and I wonder if that could be the culprit.My last

> holistic approach has been the parasite cleanse from Dr.hulda

> and that worked well for 8 months or so but then the seizures came

> back but only in my sleep.Yesterday was a bad day for me I had a gran

> mal which last for only 15 to 20 seconds my wife tells me since she

> often is the one who see's them.But it affects me so greatly

> afterwards. Emotionally and Spiritually,but that aura is still

> following me around today. and I am feeling really low today and just

> needed to express my feelings to people who may understand.

> Darrell

>

December 14, 2002

I have been on meds, and off of meds..and now on meds again. I'm really looking

forward to being off of them again as soon as possible ! I hate them! I'm

trying to detox. How can you detox and be on meds?

The reason I brought up valium and klonopin is that when I wasn't taking meds

every day, I would drop a valium or klonopin...only when I had seizures and it

would stop them. If you are having grand mals though...it probably wouldn't work

and it sounds like you want to stay as far away from meds as you can. I applaud

you for that.

Darrell McCall <dmccall3@...> wrote:Hey thanks Lorinda, and it's okay about

the pants.LOL I know what you mean