Re: Getting ready for surgery

[Guest guest]

Liesel,I am catching up on posts today after too many conversations with multiple insurance companies and I want to address your comment that your "condition is not obvious." This resonated with me more loudly than I anticipated. I am in no way implying that my experience applies to you, but am sharing my thoughts for my own benefit if not for some benefit to others.I think overcoming my tendency to see my capabilities through the lenses of others has been one of my most difficult lessons; I do hope the lesson is near completion! In every position I've held (professional and volunteer), I've struggled with meeting others' expectations and after my last surgery (on my hip) I became painfully aware that a lot of my struggle had to do with my tendency to over-promise my capability. I look very healthy and spry, even a bit younger-than-my-years according to some. While a strong case can be made for me being mentally and emotionally younger than my years, structurally, I am revised and my skeleton functions at a deficit - differently than "normal." A lifetime of scoliosis and back braces and surgeries created one uncannily (not sure that's a legitimate word) tenacious gal and over time, I came to expect extra effort to be a requirement in every situation. My "normal" became over-exertion and until a few months ago, this was a twisted source of pride for me. Pride comes before the fall...Then I turned 40. ;o)Whether it was the milestone birthday or something else, I am realizing that over-promising and repetitive over-exertion doesn't benefit anyone. In fact, more often than not (maybe even always), somebody or something gets short-changed and loses. "Pleasers" like myself typically try to reduce the loss for others without regard to personal loss, but this is a distorted perspective. It is not possible to give 100% to anything when you are functioning at a deficit.My revision surgeries were five years ago, but it wasn't until after my hip surgery in November, through reflection and prayer, that I decided to be honest about my capability rather than force an outcome. In a leap of faith, I began listening to my body and spirit to discern my condition and determine my capabilities. I am finding a bit of wisdom in the adage, "Under-promise and over-deliver." The consequences have not been totally pleasant, but my priorities and actions are beginning to align and a bit of inner healing is taking place. It seems I am beginning to let go of this "affliction" and it is quite freeing!I worked at a university for many years and I loved most aspects of my job, but the struggle resulting from my physical limitations (which I did not want to accept) never really went away. My tenacity muddied the waters and many areas of my life were short-changed. Regardless of how others want circumstances to be, you can't give what you don't have and that's OK! To thine own self be true, ya know? I "received" unbelievably insensitive comments and advice as my health deteriorated, but in retrospect, I wish I had trusted myself a tad more and worried about others a tad less. Ultimately, we're going to spend the rest of our lives with our bodies (barring some amazing medical advancements) and how we care for them will impact most everything we do and experience. I hope you will keep your sight on your goal and purpose and trust your decision. It sounds to me like you are doing what's right for you and that may inconvenience a few people along the way, but that is their problem, not yours.I wish you and everyone else who is traveling the revision journey all the best!kam

[Guest guest]

Kam,

Excellent points...all of them.

If you havent read it since your 40th birthday...please go to the files section

and re read Minas article on Scoliosis Overcompensation Syndrome. I

beleive it will have renewed resonance for you.

In all...I bet you must now be coming to a much healthier place.

Take Care, Cam

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Cam.

My computer is finally fixed (yippee) and I did just as you suggested. I even

read a few excerpts from Mina's essays aloud to Adam. It reminded me

that we have endured much and that there *may* still be a few areas where I can

reset my expectations of myself and others.

My physical therapist confirmed last week that " incidents " such as car wrecks

shake our nervous system at the core and often " shake loose " stuff that's buried

deep from past traumas, which allows them to be worked out and thoroughly

healed. (If I said something about this already, I must've been too medicated to

remember.) I think that this year will be a year of all kinds of healing, but I

hope it doesn't require too many more major events; hopefully hiccups will do it

from here on out!

kam

>

> Kam,

>

> Excellent points...all of them.

>

> If you havent read it since your 40th birthday...please go to the files

section and re read Minas article on Scoliosis Overcompensation

Syndrome. I beleive it will have renewed resonance for you.

>

> In all...I bet you must now be coming to a much healthier place.

>

> Take Care, Cam

>