Re: Dr. Glazer / Insurance / Young Children

[Guest guest]

I had small children with that bad back. I would have to get others to do fun stuff with my kids like ride with them on the roller coaster, and climb onto my lap instead of lifting them up BUT as they became mature young men, they learned compassion and are far more understanding of suffering, others, and stepping ahead in life anyway. I feel they are all the stronger for the experience of living with me and yep, my bad back. It is a real opportunity to teach them some wonderful life lessons with persistence. May these years, that pass all too quickly, be good ones for you and yours.

Joan in TN

[Guest guest]

,

I was 31 when I had my revision surgeries in 2007, and my kids were 2 and 3 1/2

at the time. It's definitely doable. My kids were really independent already

leading up to that point, because I have another medical condition that has

presented some challenges. So, for example, my 2yr old would climb up onto the

table (yes, some people might not think that's wise but it worked for us) or

edge of couch so I could try to change her diaper without leaning too much.

There was no possible way I could lift either of them for quite a long time

after surgery, so they both learned quickly that if they wanted on my lap or up

in a high chair, they needed to do it themselves. They were also very good at

cleaning up after themselves (like picking up toys - other messes are sort of

hit or miss even still, haha!). Giving them more responsibilities and having

higher expectations that they will care for themselves is a really good thing

for them (and you!) developmentally. It also gives them a lot more

self-confidence knowing that THEY can do many of these things for themselves

that other kids might still rely on their parents for. We still had plenty of

snuggling & cuddling time with me (when I was laying in bed for example), but

they were expected to do enough things on their own so I could function. I came

home from the hospital after 6 weeks (I had a lot of rehab time due to my other

medical condition) and was once again their full-time caregiver while my husband

was at work, despite being early in recovery, on a decent amount of pain meds,

and having the normal spinal restrictions that all revisionees have. It was

exhausting at times, but definitely doable even at their young ages.

If I may give you a suggestion, instead of phrasing things like " You know Mommy

can't do that " , try to find alternate ways of doing things (like instead of

picking her up and dancing around the house, offer to video her dancing to send

to grandparents or special friends) or even things that you CAN do (read lots of

books together, take turns making up stories together, take her to the library,

do puzzles or playdoh, watch funny animal videos on youtube, etc), and your

child might be less likely to notice the things that you are limited in doing

because they're so busy having fun doing the things you ARE able to do. Your

child might grow to resent the fact that you're always in pain or hurting too

much to do things that she was planning on doing if she hears that that is the

reason she " can't " do the fun activity she was wanting to do, though I know its

really tough to try to not let that happen. If instead, you choose activities

that you both can enjoy without pain, then you both win. I'm in a wheelchair,

and my older daughter was amazed at age 4 1/2 when she went to preschool and

finally noticed for the first time that not all moms are in wheelchairs. She

just assumed that I was " normal " because that's all she knew, and I tried not to

comment about it. Her perspective wasn't " Oh this sucks that MY mom is in a

wheelchair and others aren't, my mom can't do anything. " Instead it was more

like " Oh, how strange. Other moms have legs that work, and my mom uses a

wheelchair to get around instead. " Both kids have definitely had times of

resentment of my physical limitations, but overall they know that we do just as

much as other families - even traveling to Central America last year for

vacation.

It hasn't all been rosy, including marriage while dealing with all the

challenges that have come with these things. To say it's a strain on families

is an understatement. But time and a willingness to adapt go a long ways.

Please know that revision definitely can be done with small kids. A good

support system will help a lot too if you have friends or family who can give

you a break when you need it, do some driving around to activities with your

daughter to keep her busy while you rest, etc. Please don't hesitate to ask me

any questions you might have about caring for young kids after revision. I

don't have all the answers by any means, but I'm a good listener

>

> I have decided to move forward with having revision surgery done soon --

> with Dr. Glazer.

>

> I've been reading through my insurance paperwork, because I wanted to see

> how much money I might be on the line for as a result of the surgery/follow

> up visits/x-rays/PT/etc. I noticed a clause in the benefits handbook that

> says they will review my records to determine whether the surgery is a

> " medical necessity, " and if they deem it not to be, they will not pay for

> the surgery. I didn't know insurance could do that! I've never had trouble

> getting things covered by this insurance in the past, but then again I've

> never had surgery while on this insurance plan (office visits, injections,

> medications, PT, aquatic therapy, TENS unit, x-rays, bloodwork, prenatal

> care and birth -- all covered by my insurance with no complaints). How often

> does an insurance company exercise this option and actually deem something

> not to be a " medical necessity " ? In my case, I'm dealing with Harvard

> Pilgrim.

>

> I'm still trying to figure out how the logistics will work, considering the

> fact that I'm a mom with a three year old (who will be almost four years old

> by the time I actually have the surgery, I'm sure). She understands that

> mommy's back hurts, and I always asks her to be gentile, but she forgets

> very quickly. How do I make sure she really understands and is always

> gentile with me? Our current situation isn't great anyway, since I'm

> constantly having to say, " Sorry, you know mommy is not able to do that. "

> She keeps asking me, " Mommy, when is your back going to feel better? " It

> breaks my heart. Any advice from those of you who went through it while you

> had small children at home?

>

> I apologize for multiple topics in one email, but I figured this was better

> than flooding your inboxes.

>

> Curran

> melissacurran530@...

> www.beadedrelics.com

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,I'm Dyann Diamond and I'm almost 2 years post revision.First insurance: I believe most policies have this clause, it's to prevent people from getting nose jobs and breast enhancements on insurance. Usually it's not an issue. Although you may have to get your Doc involved.Second: My son was 2 and a half when I had my surgery. Not even potty trained. Kids are amazingly resilient. The first 6 weeks, interaction is almost non existent. You simply won't be able to take care of your child. I was lucky enough to have a good husband who stepped-up to the plate and took over. It was like he was a single parent taking care of kids and an invalid. I also arranged to have relatives stay with me the first few weeks.http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/ was a major help getting assistance from

acquaintances, my church, my coworkers and friends. Many people want to help, but don't know what to do. I was able to arrange play dates, car pools and meals for 2 months. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.Unfortunately we had to put my son in daycare for 10 hours a day those first few months. That was very hard on a 2 year old. I think he would have done much better if he was 4. (He's in preschool now). Talk to your child explain that mommy is fragile, work on the "gentle touch" stuff. You will have to reinforce it, but kids are smarter than we give them credit for.Even now I can't sit on the floor and play traditional style. You'll have to find other ways to connect. Less physical ways. Reading together, Playdough at the table, board games, etc.Discipline was my major problem. Once my 2 year figured out I couldn't bend over, he would fall to the floor and refuse to get

up. I had to start taking away favorite toys. This can be done, it's just a major pain! Your children will survive and won't be permanently scarred. Best wishes,DyannFrom: Curran <melissacurran530@...>Subject: [ ] Dr. Glazer / Insurance / Young Children Date: Friday, February 4, 2011, 10:31 PM

I have decided to move forward with having revision surgery done soon -- with Dr. Glazer.I've been reading through my insurance paperwork, because I wanted to see how much money I might be on the line for as a result of the surgery/follow up visits/x-rays/PT/etc. I noticed a clause in the benefits handbook that says they will review my records to determine whether the surgery is a "medical necessity," and if they deem it not to be, they will not pay for the surgery. I didn't know insurance could do that! I've never had trouble getting things covered by this insurance in the past, but then again I've never had surgery while on this insurance plan (office visits, injections, medications, PT, aquatic therapy, TENS unit, x-rays, bloodwork, prenatal care and birth -- all covered by my insurance with no complaints). How often does an insurance company exercise this option and actually deem

something not to be a "medical necessity"? In my case, I'm dealing with Harvard Pilgrim.

I'm still trying to figure out how the logistics will work, considering the fact that I'm a mom with a three year old (who will be almost four years old by the time I actually have the surgery, I'm sure). She understands that mommy's back hurts, and I always asks her to be gentile, but she forgets very quickly. How do I make sure she really understands and is always gentile with me? Our current situation isn't great anyway, since I'm constantly having to say, "Sorry, you know mommy is not able to do that." She keeps asking me, "Mommy, when is your back going to feel better?" It breaks my heart. Any advice from those of you who went through it while you had small children at home?

I apologize for multiple topics in one email, but I figured this was better than flooding your inboxes. Curranmelissacurran530@...

www.beadedrelics.com

[Guest guest]

, First off, anything you do to improve your situation is a gift to your children so you should feel good about your decision to go forward. I had a very problematic spine when I adopted my children. For this reason I adopted a 5yo first time around, as I was so afraid that if I adopted an infant they might turn out to have a physical ailment requiring more physical work than I was capable of. When we were contemplating adopting a 2nd child, some Russian friends convinced me to adopt an infant, which we did. As it turned out she did have mild cerebral palsy and I did rupture another disc carrying her, as she couldn’t stand or walk until she was nearly three. However, I have NO regrets as she is the light of my life and I learned I could get through, even what I had considered a worst case scenario. I did have to have more spine surgery when she was three, so after that there was no lifting, and she was forced to climb up onto me which she readily did.

Like others who wrote, with both children, I kept us busy with things that I could do, so we read a lot and played games that could be played with me lying down. As a result both children are avid readers and get great pleasure from that. My son, the eldest child, was hyperactive and had to move near constantly so he would act out characters as we read. My daughter has always been applauded for her beautiful reading and speaking voice and I have no doubt it is from the hours of reading aloud we logged. Neither child complained about my need to lie down. When my son was young I was able to walk and needed to. He was able to walk distances, no other child his age that we knew could, because I’d expected it. It actually did his hyperactivity a lot of good as did his swimming around me as I did my water exercises. Though neither activity was child centered, and in fact he had to adapt to my needs which some might question, I think he benefitted in the long run. The only thing my son objected to with regard to my limitations was that after I adopted my daughter, and required further spine surgery, I no longer went to all of his sports games. If I wasn’t there his Dad was, but he still resented my staying home with my daughter. I think this has more to do with the deprivation he’d endured in a Ukrainian orphanage up to age 5 than anything else though.

In middle school my daughter required a few surgeries on her hip and leg to walk without a brace. I took care of her in the hosp, just weeks after having my cervical spine fused and in a brace. It wasn’t easy sleeping on the pullout chair next to her bed but we got through it. Afterwards I homeschooled her, from a reclining position, and when she reentered school, 2 1/2 yrs later, she found she was an Honor student in Honors classes, whereas she’d been considered “learning disabled†previously. There is no doubt that all the individual attention she was given gave her an edge she wouldn’t otherwise have had. Not long ago I said to her “I sometimes wish you didn’t have a mom who is so limited physically†and she shot right back “but then I wouldn’t have seen you as much as you’d be working like all my friends moms and we wouldn’t be so close.†She could see the advantages of having such a mom better than I could. Because I have some other related health issues I’ve had other surgeries in addition to spine surgeries. Though I truly wish this hadn’t been so, for my children’s sake, I think my children are more compassionate human beings for it.

My purpose in writing is just to say you can do it and there may be pay offs to your 3 yr. old in the amount of time you’ll spend with her while recumbent that you might not see at the time. I wish you the very best of luck in moving forward on this. Kate

From: Dyann Diamond

Sent: Saturday, February 05, 2011 11:31 AM

Subject: Re: [ ] Dr. Glazer / Insurance / Young Children

Hello, I'm Dyann Diamond and I'm almost 2 years post revision.

First insurance: I believe most policies have this clause, it's to prevent people from getting nose jobs and breast enhancements on insurance. Usually it's not an issue. Although you may have to get your Doc involved.

Second: My son was 2 and a half when I had my surgery. Not even potty trained. Kids are amazingly resilient. The first 6 weeks, interaction is almost non existent. You simply won't be able to take care of your child. I was lucky enough to have a good husband who stepped-up to the plate and took over. It was like he was a single parent taking care of kids and an invalid. I also arranged to have relatives stay with me the first few weeks.

http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/ was a major help getting assistance from acquaintances, my church, my coworkers and friends. Many people want to help, but don't know what to do. I was able to arrange play dates, car pools and meals for 2 months. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

Unfortunately we had to put my son in daycare for 10 hours a day those first few months. That was very hard on a 2 year old. I think he would have done much better if he was 4. (He's in preschool now). Talk to your child explain that mommy is fragile, work on the "gentle touch" stuff. You will have to reinforce it, but kids are smarter than we give them credit for.

Even now I can't sit on the floor and play traditional style. You'll have to find other ways to connect. Less physical ways. Reading together, Playdough at the table, board games, etc.

Discipline was my major problem. Once my 2 year figured out I couldn't bend over, he would fall to the floor and refuse to get up. I had to start taking away favorite toys.

This can be done, it's just a major pain! Your children will survive and won't be permanently scarred.

Best wishes,

Dyann

From: Curran <melissacurran530@...>Subject: [ ] Dr. Glazer / Insurance / Young Children Date: Friday, February 4, 2011, 10:31 PM

I have decided to move forward with having revision surgery done soon -- with Dr. Glazer.I've been reading through my insurance paperwork, because I wanted to see how much money I might be on the line for as a result of the surgery/follow up visits/x-rays/PT/etc. I noticed a clause in the benefits handbook that says they will review my records to determine whether the surgery is a "medical necessity," and if they deem it not to be, they will not pay for the surgery. I didn't know insurance could do that! I've never had trouble getting things covered by this insurance in the past, but then again I've never had surgery while on this insurance plan (office visits, injections, medications, PT, aquatic therapy, TENS unit, x-rays, bloodwork, prenatal care and birth -- all covered by my insurance with no complaints). How often does an insurance company exercise this option and actually deem something not to be a "medical necessity"? In my case, I'm dealing with Harvard Pilgrim.I'm still trying to figure out how the logistics will work, considering the fact that I'm a mom with a three year old (who will be almost four years old by the time I actually have the surgery, I'm sure). She understands that mommy's back hurts, and I always asks her to be gentile, but she forgets very quickly. How do I make sure she really understands and is always gentile with me? Our current situation isn't great anyway, since I'm constantly having to say, "Sorry, you know mommy is not able to do that." She keeps asking me, "Mommy, when is your back going to feel better?" It breaks my heart. Any advice from those of you who went through it while you had small children at home?I apologize for multiple topics in one email, but I figured this was better than flooding your inboxes. Curranwlmailhtml:/mc/compose?to=melissacurran530@...www.beadedrelics.com

[Guest guest]

Joan: That would be great if my daughter grows up to become an extremely

compassionate individual.

: I can't even imagine doing what you did after surgery! Did doing so

much so soon have a negative on your recovery? I'm luck in that my daughter goes

to preschool 5 days/week and that my husband already handles a lot of the

childcare and chore, because I could no longer keep up with doing both those

tasks and keep my job. It's time for me to teach her to be more self-sufficient

when appropriate, such as picking up her toys, changing her clothes, etc. I've

also started asking her to help me out sometimes, by getting me something I need

for me. The only times I end up saying " You know Mommy can't do that " are when

she's asking me to do something ridiculous, which I've told her a million times

before that I can't do with her. But I do several other activities / projects

with her.

Dyann: Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I'm lucky enough to have

a husband who will (and already is) taking over many of the household and child

care responsibilities. The idea of getting some assistance from family, friends,

and coworkers sounds great, but I don't know if I'm capable of being bold enough

to make specific requests. Discipline is already a major issue in our house. My

daughter does a much better job listening to my husband than to me, and it's

most likely because she knows that she can run away from me, thus making it

difficult for me to " make her " do something. But regarding how to spend time

with her after the surgery, I need to start thinking of stuff we can do

together.

Thank you all for your very helpful advice!