Re: Bless Your Heart, !

July 12, 2008

Oh thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much. I am still chipper

and happy most of the time. My husband feels like this isn't what he signed on

for. He's pretty negative about it and it makes it hard for me. He's only 26 and

I can see his issue, but it's so hard for me to keep my chin up and keep hoping

I'll get some relief from something, when he's so negetive. He says I'll never

get better and I'll be in a wheelchair by the time I'm 40. Then when the kids

are grown and gone, that along time we're waiting for will be useless as I'll be

a " cripple " . We married 2 years ago and he isn't the father of my kids, so we

have never had time where it was jsut the two of us.

---

Bless Your Heart, !

When I read your post I just wanted to cry! You have been through so

much and yet you are still hanging in there!!! You are one STRONG,

BRAVE lady!

My complete story is not nearly as harrowing as yours, but I do

understand the pain and the problems that you have faced! Bless your

heart and everything that goes with it! I will be thinking about you

and praying for miracles for you on August 4th! Please let us know

how you are doing as soon as you can after the surgery!

> When I was fifteen, I developed back pain that came on fairly

sudden. I was getting achy one monthe and the next it became so

severe I was standing in school. My PCP said it was a muscle strain.

Uh huh. Who hasn't heard THAT one before! I tried physical therapy,

and really stuck with it about as long as any teenager would.I had

the MRI which showed that I had a ruptured disk with a free

fragment. There was no pain clinic or anything. Just a few weeks of

half-assed PT which didn't help and then it was to the OR with me. I

wanted it. They gave me the choice of trying more PT or surgery. My

parents and I all thought surgery was a quick fix. Plus this doc was

chief of pedi neuro surg. At the time we thought it meant something

to be chief, like most people. Few people know that it doesn't mean

they are the best. It's simply a title given to the doc in charge of

the neurosurg stuff for the hospital. It's more administrative. The

joke was on us I guess. So I

> had the microdiskectomy. Was walking that night, home the next and

felt great. Being a teeneger, I went back to life as normal. My

parents freaked when my surg gace me permission to go skiing 6 wks

after surgery.

> Had I known that free fragments will be absorbed by the body over

time, I would never had done the surgery. Well, ok I would because I

was young and had no idea what was in store for me.

> I had a good outcome and was pain free for a year. You see, when

there is a tear in the annulus that allows the nucleus pulposus to

come out of the disk...OR when a surgical hole is made in the disk to

remove the bulging portion of the disk...it allows more pulposus to

come out. It's like an open window. Also, with that hole, the disk

does dry out and thins which is what we know as DDD. So a year later

I started to have pain again. Tried PT. No go. Back to surgery. This

time I was eighteen and my last surgeon was pedi and passed me off to

a reg neuro guy. So this neuro guy says we can do a regular

diskectomy and laminectomy. But he wants to do discography first to

make sure my pain is coming from the disk. No prob, except I told him

I only would do that if he promised there was no risk of a " spinal

headache " which is what happens when after the dura is punctured. The

worst pain of my life! I had already had one with a previous

Myleogram before my first

> surg. No way he says. We don't even go near it! So I go and all

went well until that night when I started with a " spinal headache " .

My local community hosp ER could do nothing for me as they had no

neurosurgeon there, as is the case with many community hosp. I went

to three ERs and in the ambulance a few times before it got someone

to do a blood patch a WEEK later! My mom brought me on a stretcher

into his office. I could NOT sit up. He denied it was from the

procedure and said I was being dramatic. He actually got mad at me!

He gave me valium and a few other things to shut me up. That night my

mom had to call Ambulance to bring me back to this hospitals ER. Now

this was the major hospital of the state of Rhode Island which is

also the teaching hospital for Brown University. And people think

that counts. So I had the surgery and was feeling great for a year

and a half. Then the pain came all over again.

> This time I decided I was going to Boston. My mom was able to get

me an appointment with this " big, up and coming surgeon who was the

guypeople come to from all over the world. " Yeah, I thought that must

mean something too. He was known for doing impressive brain surgery

at the time. So ha says he wants to try a new technique on me that

they've just started doing. It's supposed to be the next best thing

in fusion surgery. So we were all wowed. I felt ao lucky to be a part

of this. I didn't understand that " new procedure that we just started

doing " means that they are inexperienced at performing it and they

have no long term studies to prove it's so good. Anyway, I had an

ALIF/ PLIF. They go in from the front to remove the biggest part of

the disk at the place it's bulging at and place a bone graft there

(aka from a cadaver). Most people don't realize that the usual place

the disk bulges is on the anterior side, facing the front. they

cannot access this

> from your back. Then they flip you over (buck naked) and operate

from the back where they perform more diskectomy and add more bone

draft, used to be from your hip, but the big docs are getting away

from that as they have something similar to use but since the hip

grafting is so painful, they use something else.

> Anyway, the main way to fuse your spine is with pedicle screws.

They go through a thick and relatively strong bony proninence. There

also is not a lot of nerves there. Well, this new procedure was facet

screw fixation. Your facets are a joint that is the hinge between

each vertebrae. Basically, the analogy I think of is it's like puttin

a skinny screw into your funny bone to keep it from moving. Lots of

nerves and a much smaller bony prominence to put a screw though. So,

I was in hospital 4 day and recovery was a bitch. I wore a brace for

3 or 4 months which was a piece of plastic which was molded to my

shape. It went from my nipples to my hip. VERY incomfortable. At this

time I was 21 and had two boys who were 1 1/2 and 2 1/2. Not great

timing. All of my postop visits my surg said my bone was fusing 50%

faster than normal. He was ecstatic. He used photos and narrative

from my surgery on a Power-Point presentation at Harvard. After I

recovered, I had

> absolutely NO PAIN for about 3 or 4 years. I thought I could not

be hurt as I had all bone and no disk. WRONG!!! What I didn't know

was that the bone was NOT fused. An xray before my last surgery

showed a crumbled mess. I didn't know it because the screws were

holding the joint from moving. Until one day I was jogging and I felt

a horrific pain shoot in my back and I couldn't move. I later found

out that's when I likely broke my titanium screws. Yes, titanium the

worlds strongest metal.

> I went back to my surg and he said more PT!!! If that didn't help

he would operate again. I was like NO WAY to that! I focused on PT

and I seriously got my body strong. Started to feel better, but was

taking Ultram for the pain still. Then I started to go crazy on my

abs thinking I'd look good and it would be good for my core. Well I

was doing bad things to my back in the process and I broke another

screw. I went back to see mt neuro who did a CT, MRI and bone scan.

He said we'll try facet injections and if that doesn't help, we'll

operate.

> I then got ahold of my radiology reports and I knew what they said

as now I was a surgical tech. What I read made me physically ill. It

said there was NO evidence of fusion at all plus a few other things.

Oh my world crumbled. I just didn't want to go though another

surgery. I held off so long that both of my buttocks were numb at the

top and my toes were either numb or tingly. So I gave in after

literally trying everything, but with a " non-union "

or " pseudoarthrosis " as it is referred to, it had to be fixed.

> At this time I was working in another BIG NAME Boston Hospital and

went to the man who I trust. Dr. Glazer. He did another

ALIF/PLIF, this time he had to go up one level to L4, L5. I have six

pedicle screws which are the size of my pinky finger and two fusion

rods as well as a crosslink which connects the right and left

sides. He did a fantastic job and I was finally able to return to

work after seven months. I have to be able to lift up to 50 lbs to go

back , so it took a long time! I finally started to really feel like

I was on the home stretch at 9 mos and was feeling pretty great. But

then I started to ache in the facet areas of L4-S1. I went to the

pain clinic at Big Hospital and tried everything. Initially it

helped, but only for a while. I even had Botox injections to stop the

muscle spasm...it did NOT work. So now my neuro says it's likely the

hardware. It happens frequently. Titanium is a pretty inert

metal...but it doesn't belong there.

> Surgery is now scheduled for August 4.

> I have a few bulging disks above with some DDD, but as yet I am

asymptomatic.

> WHEW!!! Did I lose you yet???

> Sorry, i know it was long!

>

July 12, 2008

Bless your heart! I met my second ex-husband right after I was

injured, before the surgeries. He was negative like that as well.

It's a shame,but the way that it was! Mine had other issues that I

would not tolerate, so I left him. After I left he hurt his back and

had surgery on it as well. I ran into him a couple of years ago and

nothing had changed as far as his attitude and behavior! Hee hee hee!

Made me even more thankful that I made the decision that I made!

As far as living with the negativity, just keep your chin up and keep

doing what you know is right! Once you get your miracle then he will

make an about face! When he does, be sure to let me know so that we

can laugh together about it!

I'm glad that my words hit home with you! I know how good it feels to

receive kind words! I try to surround myself with people that will

provide me with truth as well as kind words! The world would be a

much nicer place to live for everyone if truth and kind words were

universal! Hee hee hee!

>

> Oh thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much. I am

still chipper and happy most of the time. My husband feels like this

isn't what he signed on for. He's pretty negative about it and it

makes it hard for me. He's only 26 and I can see his issue, but it's

so hard for me to keep my chin up and keep hoping I'll get some

relief from something, when he's so negetive. He says I'll never get

better and I'll be in a wheelchair by the time I'm 40. Then when the

kids are grown and gone, that along time we're waiting for will be

useless as I'll be a " cripple " . We married 2 years ago and he isn't

the father of my kids, so we have never had time where it was jsut

the two of us.

> ---

>

> Bless Your Heart, !

>

> When I read your post I just wanted to cry! You have been through

so

> much and yet you are still hanging in there!!! You are one STRONG,

> BRAVE lady!

>

> My complete story is not nearly as harrowing as yours, but I do

> understand the pain and the problems that you have faced! Bless

your

> heart and everything that goes with it! I will be thinking about

you

> and praying for miracles for you on August 4th! Please let us know

> how you are doing as soon as you can after the surgery!

>

> > When I was fifteen, I developed back pain that came on fairly

> sudden. I was getting achy one monthe and the next it became so

> severe I was standing in school. My PCP said it was a muscle

strain.

> Uh huh. Who hasn't heard THAT one before! I tried physical therapy,

> and really stuck with it about as long as any teenager would.I had

> the MRI which showed that I had a ruptured disk with a free

> fragment. There was no pain clinic or anything. Just a few weeks of

> half-assed PT which didn't help and then it was to the OR with me.

I

> wanted it. They gave me the choice of trying more PT or surgery. My

> parents and I all thought surgery was a quick fix. Plus this doc

was

> chief of pedi neuro surg. At the time we thought it meant something

> to be chief, like most people. Few people know that it doesn't mean

> they are the best. It's simply a title given to the doc in charge

of

> the neurosurg stuff for the hospital. It's more administrative. The

> joke was on us I guess. So I

> > had the microdiskectomy. Was walking that night, home the next

and

> felt great. Being a teeneger, I went back to life as normal. My

> parents freaked when my surg gace me permission to go skiing 6 wks

> after surgery.

> > Had I known that free fragments will be absorbed by the body over

> time, I would never had done the surgery. Well, ok I would because

I

> was young and had no idea what was in store for me.

> > I had a good outcome and was pain free for a year. You see, when

> there is a tear in the annulus that allows the nucleus pulposus to

> come out of the disk...OR when a surgical hole is made in the disk

to

> remove the bulging portion of the disk...it allows more pulposus to

> come out. It's like an open window. Also, with that hole, the disk

> does dry out and thins which is what we know as DDD. So a year

later

> I started to have pain again. Tried PT. No go. Back to surgery.

This

> time I was eighteen and my last surgeon was pedi and passed me off

to

> a reg neuro guy. So this neuro guy says we can do a regular

> diskectomy and laminectomy. But he wants to do discography first to

> make sure my pain is coming from the disk. No prob, except I told

him

> I only would do that if he promised there was no risk of a " spinal

> headache " which is what happens when after the dura is punctured.

The

> worst pain of my life! I had already had one with a previous

> Myleogram before my first

> > surg. No way he says. We don't even go near it! So I go and all

> went well until that night when I started with a " spinal headache " .

> My local community hosp ER could do nothing for me as they had no

> neurosurgeon there, as is the case with many community hosp. I went

> to three ERs and in the ambulance a few times before it got someone

> to do a blood patch a WEEK later! My mom brought me on a stretcher

> into his office. I could NOT sit up. He denied it was from the

> procedure and said I was being dramatic. He actually got mad at me!

> He gave me valium and a few other things to shut me up. That night

my

> mom had to call Ambulance to bring me back to this hospitals ER.

Now

> this was the major hospital of the state of Rhode Island which is

> also the teaching hospital for Brown University. And people think

> that counts. So I had the surgery and was feeling great for a year

> and a half. Then the pain came all over again.

> > This time I decided I was going to Boston. My mom was able to get

> me an appointment with this " big, up and coming surgeon who was the

> guypeople come to from all over the world. " Yeah, I thought that

must

> mean something too. He was known for doing impressive brain surgery

> at the time. So ha says he wants to try a new technique on me that

> they've just started doing. It's supposed to be the next best thing

> in fusion surgery. So we were all wowed. I felt ao lucky to be a

part

> of this. I didn't understand that " new procedure that we just

started

> doing " means that they are inexperienced at performing it and they

> have no long term studies to prove it's so good. Anyway, I had an

> ALIF/ PLIF. They go in from the front to remove the biggest part of

> the disk at the place it's bulging at and place a bone graft there

> (aka from a cadaver). Most people don't realize that the usual

place

> the disk bulges is on the anterior side, facing the front. they

> cannot access this

> > from your back. Then they flip you over (buck naked) and operate

> from the back where they perform more diskectomy and add more bone

> draft, used to be from your hip, but the big docs are getting away

> from that as they have something similar to use but since the hip

> grafting is so painful, they use something else.

> > Anyway, the main way to fuse your spine is with pedicle screws.

> They go through a thick and relatively strong bony proninence.

There

> also is not a lot of nerves there. Well, this new procedure was

facet

> screw fixation. Your facets are a joint that is the hinge between

> each vertebrae. Basically, the analogy I think of is it's like

puttin

> a skinny screw into your funny bone to keep it from moving. Lots of

> nerves and a much smaller bony prominence to put a screw though.

So,

> I was in hospital 4 day and recovery was a bitch. I wore a brace

for

> 3 or 4 months which was a piece of plastic which was molded to my

> shape. It went from my nipples to my hip. VERY incomfortable. At

this

> time I was 21 and had two boys who were 1 1/2 and 2 1/2. Not great

> timing. All of my postop visits my surg said my bone was fusing 50%

> faster than normal. He was ecstatic. He used photos and narrative

> from my surgery on a Power-Point presentation at Harvard. After I

> recovered, I had

> > absolutely NO PAIN for about 3 or 4 years. I thought I could not

> be hurt as I had all bone and no disk. WRONG!!! What I didn't know

> was that the bone was NOT fused. An xray before my last surgery

> showed a crumbled mess. I didn't know it because the screws were

> holding the joint from moving. Until one day I was jogging and I

felt

> a horrific pain shoot in my back and I couldn't move. I later found

> out that's when I likely broke my titanium screws. Yes, titanium

the

> worlds strongest metal.

> > I went back to my surg and he said more PT!!! If that didn't

help

> he would operate again. I was like NO WAY to that! I focused on PT

> and I seriously got my body strong. Started to feel better, but was

> taking Ultram for the pain still. Then I started to go crazy on my

> abs thinking I'd look good and it would be good for my core. Well I

> was doing bad things to my back in the process and I broke another

> screw. I went back to see mt neuro who did a CT, MRI and bone scan.

> He said we'll try facet injections and if that doesn't help, we'll

> operate.

> > I then got ahold of my radiology reports and I knew what they

said

> as now I was a surgical tech. What I read made me physically ill.

It

> said there was NO evidence of fusion at all plus a few other

things.

> Oh my world crumbled. I just didn't want to go though another

> surgery. I held off so long that both of my buttocks were numb at

the

> top and my toes were either numb or tingly. So I gave in after

> literally trying everything, but with a " non-union "

> or " pseudoarthrosis " as it is referred to, it had to be fixed.

> > At this time I was working in another BIG NAME Boston Hospital

and

> went to the man who I trust. Dr. Glazer. He did another

> ALIF/PLIF, this time he had to go up one level to L4, L5. I have

six

> pedicle screws which are the size of my pinky finger and two fusion

> rods as well as a crosslink which connects the right and left

> sides. He did a fantastic job and I was finally able to return to

> work after seven months. I have to be able to lift up to 50 lbs to

go

> back , so it took a long time! I finally started to really feel

like

> I was on the home stretch at 9 mos and was feeling pretty great.

But

> then I started to ache in the facet areas of L4-S1. I went to the

> pain clinic at Big Hospital and tried everything. Initially it

> helped, but only for a while. I even had Botox injections to stop

the

> muscle spasm...it did NOT work. So now my neuro says it's likely

the

> hardware. It happens frequently. Titanium is a pretty inert

> metal...but it doesn't belong there.

> > Surgery is now scheduled for August 4.

> > I have a few bulging disks above with some DDD, but as yet I am

> asymptomatic.

> > WHEW!!! Did I lose you yet???

> > Sorry, i know it was long!

> >

>

July 12, 2008

Hi ........

a " cripple " . We married 2 years ago and he isn't the father of my

kids, so we have never had time where it was jsut the two of us.

I say that he needs to be kicked to the curb. You are a strong,

beautiful, gutsy person who deserves far better. Here's how it works

in real life: my husband married a woman about your age. A yr. later

she started vomiting blood suddenly. She was eventually diagnosed with

stomach cancer, and she died at age 32. He stood by her the whole

time. Years went by and we met. He had had a major heart attack and

was considered terminal (was on social sec. disability). I loved him

and married him anyways. I knew I would be a young widow, and I was. I

held him in my arms and took his last breath into my body when he

passed.

That's what love is. You deserve this.

Your surgery is the day before my 55th birthday. That's the age he

was, when he passed. I will be thinking of you and sending you healing

energies. Be well, awesome woman.

Sue

^'^ ^'^ ^'^ ^'^ ^'^ ^'^

" She was not quite what you would call refined.

She was not quite what you would call unrefined.

She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. "

-- Mark Twain

Annoying Parrots:

http://auroraborealispage.net/parrots.html

Sky Paintings:

http://auroraborealispage.net/aurora.html

Where My Spirit Lives:

http://auroraborealispage.net/alaska.html

July 12, 2008

Thank you for your kind words Sue. My husband does have his faults, but he is a

good man. I think he's just plain overwhelmed. It's a lot for a 26 year old to

take on and no, it really wan't expected to be this way. He wants to be there

for me, but he's having some difficulty. We also haven't had any of that crucial

bonding time before kids arrive. That makes it even harder. My ex has borderline

personality disorder and was very abusive to me, in every way imaginable. My

husband now has been so good to us and has helped me heal in many ways. He went

from being a young single guy, a police officer with plenty of cash, to at times

being the sole provider for me and my three kids and even only parent while I

recovered from surgery last year and their dad was away. He has to work at least

two double shifts a week plus his regular hours, just to make ends meet while

I'm not working.

I know he can be cruel at times, but I really think he is very overwhelmed. It

sounds as though you've been through a lot yourself. I'm sorry life hasn't been

easy for you, but what a blessing to at least be there when your husband passed

on. If you have to go, I think that's a good way to do it! That sure does sound

like love to me! I hope that our future holds this closeness for us as well.

We'll be able to concentrate on each other a lot more when the kids are

grown..IF we make it till then! I have my doubts sometimes.

So, tell me a little about yourself Sue. What's up with your spine???

---

Re: Bless Your Heart, !

Hi ....... .