OT - humour regarding drug companies

[Guest guest]

Top 10 reasons why we need drug companies

1. Cures: We need drug companies to keep finding

cures for major diseases. Look at all the cures

they've found so far like... well... okay, they

haven't actually found any cures yet. But maybe they

can at least cure all the bogus diseases they made up

like " social anxiety disorder " and " attention deficit

hyperactivity disorder. "

2. National Security: U.S. drug companies are

crucial for protecting our national security by

banning prescription drugs from untrusty drug

countries like Canada.

3. The Economy: never mind that most

pharmaceutical companies sell useless products at

ridiculous prices. All that money changing hands is

great for the economy. You may be diseased, but think

on the bright side: your Big Pharma stocks are

soaring! (With all that money, you might even be able

to afford health insurance...)

4. Doctors: Without the pharmaceutical companies,

what would all the doctors do for work? After all,

most so-called " medicine " involves little more than

scribbling out a prescription for the latest

mass-advertised drug. Without drugs, doctors might

actually have to TALK to patients. Horrors!

5. Ethics: With Enron gone, we need a new,

national example of strong ethics that properly

communicate the essence of American corporate greed.

Pharmaceutical companies could make Enron look like

the Girl Scouts.

6. Political Fundraising: We need drug companies

to support the re-election efforts of national

leaders.

7. Publishers: Without drug company advertising,

who would support all the newspaper and magazine

publishers in this country? After all, many print

publications are now little more than pro-drug

infomercial rags dressed up to look like credible news

magazines.

8. Patient Responsibility: Without drug companies

shifting health responsibility away from patients, the

people would actually have to think for themselves and

take control of their own health. That's simply too

much to ask from a dumbed-down population.

9. The Environment: Drug companies set an

excellent example of fair and balanced environmental

policy, which is why antidepressant drugs are now

showing up in the water supply. Their new

environmental slogan? " You take it, you flush it, we

fuggedaboutit! "

10. The Elderly: Everybody agrees we need honest

U.S. businesses to look out for the interests of our

elders. Pharmaceutical companies handle this with

finesse by taking over the full monthly incomes of

most retired folks. It's a genuine public service.

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