Re: Stress - Trudy and ANNAMARIE

[Guest guest]

Can I add something to this?  Like for one second I'm gonna wait for you to answer me and say " no "  LOL!  

Trudy, after I got thru with treatment, I was trying to find something I could do to bring some money into our house and make myself seem useful.  Yep, my self esteem was shot, my brain was still fried, (remember, I took double the normal dosages of those nasty meds) and my body was still in pain...  I had no idea about the fibro then.  I wound up starting a little home based business.  I started a Kay business.  Now right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I am NOT encouraging you or anyone else to do that.  In my case it wasn't a real smart financial move.  It's one of those businesses where you never make money.  But, I did learn some things.  One was not to invest in a MLM anymore.  But something interesting that I learned...  when something is about to happen that is good, things have a way of getting in your way to make that good thing difficult to get to.  Did you ever notice how sometimes you can take one step forward only to get kicked back a couple of feet?  Lots of times we do this to ourselves.  We can sabotage our best efforts in our heads.  Right now, your head is getting in your way.  You are over thinking way too much.  All those " what if's? " are exactly that... what if's.  They are nothing concrete.  When we are sick, it's hard to stay positive...  it's even harder to not get negative cause we feel so damn bad.  But somehow, especially going thru this treatment, we have to find the positive.  We have to find that positive place and hold on to it.  

Here is what happened to me...  somewhere in the midst of that 48 weeks of hell that I went thru, in  a rare moment of clarity, something dawned on me.  I was actually pretty lucky.  I was pretty sure I knew how I wound up with this virus, I was thinking that blood transfusion and I just as easily could have gotten blood that was tainted with HIV as well as HCV.  But I didn't.  There is a cure for HCV, there is still no cure for HIV.  At that moment, I stopped thinking " why me? " and I turned it around to " why not me? " .

My odds for getting thru treatment and having it work were less than 35%.  I know what the average is but in my case, I was in deep trouble already.  Plus the doctors never thought I could make it thru the entire process.  I had horrible odds but you know what?  In my head, at least I had odds.  I convinced myself that I was going to be in that 35% no matter what.  No wasn't an option for me.  That's how I got thru treatment.  Believing.  Believing that I could do this and I would do this and guess what?  I did.  Part of getting thru treatment is attitude.  Being positive is part of it but being pissed off is another part.  I think you need to get pissed off and let this damn virus know who is in control.  Sometimes we need to find our inner fight.  It's easy to lose it when you feel as sick as I know you do right now.  But deep down in there...  I know there is a ticked off Trudy who plans on winning this battle.  

marie, I hope you are reading this too because all of this applies to you as well.  Both of you are facing the very worst of circumstances albeit very different circumstances.  But each of you has a hard road.  Shoulders back, head up...  and follow that damn yellow brick road would you?  You can do this.  I have faith.  

Now, I want both of you to go grab a glass of water and a snack.  Yes Trudy, you can have a corn dog, and marie, anything you can get down will work...  Drink your water, eat your snack and then re-read this e-mail.  Both Don's and mine.  The road to Oz is waiting for you.

Hugs,Teri

On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

 

Hi Trudy

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

Its hard facing our possible futures, and our present state.

 

In 1980 I got blown up in that house out in west Oklahoma, and my 'youth' ended.

I saw my mortality for the first time, and man, what a shock mentally.

I could die???? OMG

You would think that with all the drugs and alcohol I had done, my brain would be fried already, but facing ones mortality is truely 'eye opening'.

Then theres all the physical disabilitys that I got slammed with in one second, and must now deal with forever.

 

BUT you know what?

Its been 30 years since that day, and Im still here, and Im still me.

A bit worn, but life is still good, and I can still crack my own stupid jokes, and laugh at them.

My body is shot at 60, but in my head, Im still that goofy 20 year old.

 

I think it was Teri who told you that - 'more than likely' - all your health woes right now are connected to the HCV meds.

That in time, the meds will flush from your body, and you will discover most of the old 'you'.

I totally agree with this, and I will bet that this is exactly what is going to happen to you.

 

Trudy, no matter what happens as far as your health goes......'anytime' that you choose to open your eyes, you will see that life is still beautiful.

We all worry about the 'what if's', and maybes, but these things dont have to dominate our here and now, and make us unhappy.

 

FOCUS on the good that you PRECIEVE, in and around you.

Make this your reality, and everything else will take second place....I promise you that this is a 'truth'.

Youve heard me say it many times - 'we have the power to be happy or sad, content or discontent'.

 

Gloria is a super example for all of us with this.

Failing HCV TX the first time [bummer], sucessful the second time, but wacked with cancer [ouch].

Beating the cancer to be wacked with losing her man, and maybe more cancer [OMG].

But listen to her - she is laughing in the face of all the demons that have been thrown at her.

Yeah her life is super hard, but she wont let go of the happiness that she desires.

She has found the 'secret' to living life to its fullest.....no matter what.

 

You can too Trudy.

 

Its ok to be scared about what 'might be'.

You wouldnt be human if you werent.

But that reality doesnt have to dominate you.

All you have to do is - 'smile' - and that demon is wooped.

 

We are all praying that the Oncologist finds nothing.

We are all blasting you with everything that is good.

Be strong Trudy - you can face anything, and still be the winner.

Know-what-I-mean?

 

love

don in ks

 

From: trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...>

Subject: [ ] Stress " Hcv " < >Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:09 AM

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the "   fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so,  that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the 

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle " .   One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find  that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few 

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15  yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age  couldt keep up . Hubby and I went  roller blading the day after we got 

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter  fishing trip ; later we  went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same 

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should  know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And   even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's 

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my  new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed.   I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how 

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do.    It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems  that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me  like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker 

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad  thought far back in the " closet " of her mind.   Only you guys and

Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know  y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days.  Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic  ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO 

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little  positive " piece " of me.    Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many  others feel the same. This group  has become a true family.

   Ok , back to bed for a while...http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877    "       " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com  http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

    ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Thanks.. And LOL about the yellowbrick road!!http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877 " "A well- behaved woman never made history"...Mae Westhttp://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx On Jan 5, 2011, at 5:28 PM, Theresa Gottlieb

<theresagottlieb@...> wrote:

Can I add something to this? Like for one second I'm gonna wait for you to answer me and say "no" LOL!

Trudy, after I got thru with treatment, I was trying to find something I could do to bring some money into our house and make myself seem useful. Yep, my self esteem was shot, my brain was still fried, (remember, I took double the normal dosages of those nasty meds) and my body was still in pain... I had no idea about the fibro then. I wound up starting a little home based business. I started a Kay business. Now right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I am NOT encouraging you or anyone else to do that. In my case it wasn't a real smart financial move. It's one of those businesses where you never make money. But, I did learn some things. One was not to invest in a MLM anymore. But something interesting that I learned... when something is about to happen that is good, things have

a way of getting in your way to make that good thing difficult to get to. Did you ever notice how sometimes you can take one step forward only to get kicked back a couple of feet? Lots of times we do this to ourselves. We can sabotage our best efforts in our heads. Right now, your head is getting in your way. You are over thinking way too much. All those "what if's?" are exactly that... what if's. They are nothing concrete. When we are sick, it's hard to stay positive... it's even harder to not get negative cause we feel so damn bad. But somehow, especially going thru this treatment, we have to find the positive. We have to find that positive place and hold on to it.

Here is what happened to me... somewhere in the midst of that 48 weeks of hell that I went thru, in a rare moment of clarity, something dawned on me. I was actually pretty lucky. I was pretty sure I knew how I wound up with this virus, I was thinking that blood transfusion and I just as easily could have gotten blood that was tainted with HIV as well as HCV. But I didn't. There is a cure for HCV, there is still no cure for HIV. At that moment, I stopped thinking "why me?" and I turned it around to "why not me?".

My odds for getting thru treatment and having it work were less than 35%. I know what the average is but in my case, I was in deep trouble already. Plus the doctors never thought I could make it thru the entire process. I had horrible odds but you know what? In my head, at least I had odds. I convinced myself that I was going to be in that 35% no matter what. No wasn't an option for me. That's how I got thru treatment. Believing. Believing that I could do this and I would do this and guess what? I did. Part of getting thru treatment is attitude. Being positive is part of it but being pissed off is another part. I think you need to get pissed off and let this damn virus know who is in

control. Sometimes we need to find our inner fight. It's easy to lose it when you feel as sick as I know you do right now. But deep down in there... I know there is a ticked off Trudy who plans on winning this battle.

marie, I hope you are reading this too because all of this applies to you as well. Both of you are facing the very worst of circumstances albeit very different circumstances. But each of you has a hard road. Shoulders back, head up... and follow that damn yellow brick road would you? You can do this. I have faith.

Now, I want both of you to go grab a glass of water and a snack. Yes Trudy, you can have a corn dog, and marie, anything you can get down will work... Drink your water, eat your snack and then re-read this e-mail. Both Don's and mine. The road to Oz is waiting for you.

Hugs,Teri

On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

Hi Trudy

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

Its hard facing our possible futures, and our present state.

In 1980 I got blown up in that house out in west Oklahoma, and my 'youth' ended.

I saw my mortality for the first time, and man, what a shock mentally.

I could die???? OMG

You would think that with all the drugs and alcohol I had done, my brain would be fried already, but facing ones mortality is truely 'eye opening'.

Then theres all the physical disabilitys that I got slammed with in one second, and must now deal with forever.

BUT you know what?

Its been 30 years since that day, and Im still here, and Im still me.

A bit worn, but life is still good, and I can still crack my own stupid jokes, and laugh at them.

My body is shot at 60, but in my head, Im still that goofy 20 year old.

I think it was Teri who told you that - 'more than likely' - all your health woes right now are connected to the HCV meds.

That in time, the meds will flush from your body, and you will discover most of the old 'you'.

I totally agree with this, and I will bet that this is exactly what is going to happen to you.

Trudy, no matter what happens as far as your health goes......'anytime' that you choose to open your eyes, you will see that life is still beautiful.

We all worry about the 'what if's', and maybes, but these things dont have to dominate our here and now, and make us unhappy.

FOCUS on the good that you PRECIEVE, in and around you.

Make this your reality, and everything else will take second place....I promise you that this is a 'truth'.

Youve heard me say it many times - 'we have the power to be happy or sad, content or discontent'.

Gloria is a super example for all of us with this.

Failing HCV TX the first time [bummer], sucessful the second time, but wacked with cancer [ouch].

Beating the cancer to be wacked with losing her man, and maybe more cancer [OMG].

But listen to her - she is laughing in the face of all the demons that have been thrown at her.

Yeah her life is super hard, but she wont let go of the happiness that she desires.

She has found the 'secret' to living life to its fullest.....no matter what.

You can too Trudy.

Its ok to be scared about what 'might be'.

You wouldnt be human if you werent.

But that reality doesnt have to dominate you.

All you have to do is - 'smile' - and that demon is wooped.

We are all praying that the Oncologist finds nothing.

We are all blasting you with everything that is good.

Be strong Trudy - you can face anything, and still be the winner.

Know-what-I-mean?

love

don in ks

From: trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...>

Subject: [ ] Stress"Hcv" < >Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:09 AM

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the " fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so, that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle". One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15 yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age couldt keep up . Hubby and I went roller blading the day after we got

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter fishing trip ; later we went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed. I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do. It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad thought far back in the" closet " of her mind. Only you guys and

Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days. Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little positive " piece " of me. Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many others feel the same. This group has become a true family.

Ok , back to bed for a while...http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877 " "A well- behaved woman never made history"...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

You are very welcome...  NOW READ IT AGAIN WOULD YOU PLEASE?  ya know.. some of my best writing comes out on this group.. see how you guys inspire me!On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 8:37 PM, trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...> wrote:

 

Thanks.. And LOL about the yellowbrick road!!http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877   "

      " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae Westhttp://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

  On Jan 5, 2011, at 5:28 PM, Theresa Gottlieb

<theresagottlieb@...> wrote:

 

Can I add something to this?  Like for one second I'm gonna wait for you to answer me and say " no "  LOL!  

Trudy, after I got thru with treatment, I was trying to find something I could do to bring some money into our house and make myself seem useful.  Yep, my self esteem was shot, my brain was still fried, (remember, I took double the normal dosages of those nasty meds) and my body was still in pain...  I had no idea about the fibro then.  I wound up starting a little home based business.  I started a Kay business.  Now right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I am NOT encouraging you or anyone else to do that.  In my case it wasn't a real smart financial move.  It's one of those businesses where you never make money.  But, I did learn some things.  One was not to invest in a MLM anymore.  But something interesting that I learned...  when something is about to happen that is good, things have

a way of getting in your way to make that good thing difficult to get to.  Did you ever notice how sometimes you can take one step forward only to get kicked back a couple of feet?  Lots of times we do this to ourselves.  We can sabotage our best efforts in our heads.  Right now, your head is getting in your way.  You are over thinking way too much.  All those " what if's? " are exactly that... what if's.  They are nothing concrete.  When we are sick, it's hard to stay positive...  it's even harder to not get negative cause we feel so damn bad.  But somehow, especially going thru this treatment, we have to find the positive.  We have to find that positive place and hold on to it.  

Here is what happened to me...  somewhere in the midst of that 48 weeks of hell that I went thru, in  a rare moment of clarity, something dawned on me.  I was actually pretty lucky.  I was pretty sure I knew how I wound up with this virus, I was thinking that blood transfusion and I just as easily could have gotten blood that was tainted with HIV as well as HCV.  But I didn't.  There is a cure for HCV, there is still no cure for HIV.  At that moment, I stopped thinking " why me? " and I turned it around to " why not me? " .

My odds for getting thru treatment and having it work were less than 35%.  I know what the average is but in my case, I was in deep trouble already.  Plus the doctors never thought I could make it thru the entire process.  I had horrible odds but you know what?  In my head, at least I had odds.  I convinced myself that I was going to be in that 35% no matter what.  No wasn't an option for me.  That's how I got thru treatment.  Believing.  Believing that I could do this and I would do this and guess what?  I did.  Part of getting thru treatment is attitude.  Being positive is part of it but being pissed off is another part.  I think you need to get pissed off and let this damn virus know who is in

control.  Sometimes we need to find our inner fight.  It's easy to lose it when you feel as sick as I know you do right now.  But deep down in there...  I know there is a ticked off Trudy who plans on winning this battle.  

marie, I hope you are reading this too because all of this applies to you as well.  Both of you are facing the very worst of circumstances albeit very different circumstances.  But each of you has a hard road.  Shoulders back, head up...  and follow that damn yellow brick road would you?  You can do this.  I have faith.  

Now, I want both of you to go grab a glass of water and a snack.  Yes Trudy, you can have a corn dog, and marie, anything you can get down will work...  Drink your water, eat your snack and then re-read this e-mail.  Both Don's and mine.  The road to Oz is waiting for you.

Hugs,Teri

On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

 

Hi Trudy

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

Its hard facing our possible futures, and our present state.

 

In 1980 I got blown up in that house out in west Oklahoma, and my 'youth' ended.

I saw my mortality for the first time, and man, what a shock mentally.

I could die???? OMG

You would think that with all the drugs and alcohol I had done, my brain would be fried already, but facing ones mortality is truely 'eye opening'.

Then theres all the physical disabilitys that I got slammed with in one second, and must now deal with forever.

 

BUT you know what?

Its been 30 years since that day, and Im still here, and Im still me.

A bit worn, but life is still good, and I can still crack my own stupid jokes, and laugh at them.

My body is shot at 60, but in my head, Im still that goofy 20 year old.

 

I think it was Teri who told you that - 'more than likely' - all your health woes right now are connected to the HCV meds.

That in time, the meds will flush from your body, and you will discover most of the old 'you'.

I totally agree with this, and I will bet that this is exactly what is going to happen to you.

 

Trudy, no matter what happens as far as your health goes......'anytime' that you choose to open your eyes, you will see that life is still beautiful.

We all worry about the 'what if's', and maybes, but these things dont have to dominate our here and now, and make us unhappy.

 

FOCUS on the good that you PRECIEVE, in and around you.

Make this your reality, and everything else will take second place....I promise you that this is a 'truth'.

Youve heard me say it many times - 'we have the power to be happy or sad, content or discontent'.

 

Gloria is a super example for all of us with this.

Failing HCV TX the first time [bummer], sucessful the second time, but wacked with cancer [ouch].

Beating the cancer to be wacked with losing her man, and maybe more cancer [OMG].

But listen to her - she is laughing in the face of all the demons that have been thrown at her.

Yeah her life is super hard, but she wont let go of the happiness that she desires.

She has found the 'secret' to living life to its fullest.....no matter what.

 

You can too Trudy.

 

Its ok to be scared about what 'might be'.

You wouldnt be human if you werent.

But that reality doesnt have to dominate you.

All you have to do is - 'smile' - and that demon is wooped.

 

We are all praying that the Oncologist finds nothing.

We are all blasting you with everything that is good.

Be strong Trudy - you can face anything, and still be the winner.

Know-what-I-mean?

 

love

don in ks

 

From: trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...>

Subject: [ ] Stress " Hcv " < >

Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:09 AM

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the "   fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so,  that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the 

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle " .   One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find  that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few 

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15  yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age  couldt keep up . Hubby and I went  roller blading the day after we got 

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter  fishing trip ; later we  went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same 

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should  know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And   even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's 

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my  new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed.   I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how 

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do.    It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems  that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me  like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker 

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad  thought far back in the " closet " of her mind.   Only you guys and

Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know  y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days.  Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic  ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO 

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little  positive " piece " of me.    Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many  others feel the same. This group  has become a true family.

   Ok , back to bed for a while...http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877    "

      " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com  http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

    ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hey GalsI agree totally with Teri!! Get mad and let the damn dragon know that it is not going to take you down. Many, many weekends that's all I had. That inner fight that I was not giving in to the beast.Even the cancer! I saw it the same way! No way on this earth was I going to let it take me down and I never thought for a second that it wasn't going to be taken care of. True, this little tiny thing that showed up recently, has had me down for awhile. Then, just as I'm coming around for the fight, my husband passed away so suddenly. However, when everything is done to wind up our affairs, I'll be right back in the fight for my liver.Likely, I'll still be

screaming - you won't get me, to the cancer - right through everything else that might be in my future. I still have away too much that I would like to do!!! My greatest wish is that I can be part of the effort to educate everyone that I possibly can, to what this is and what it is not. So, I'm not giving in one iota until I've had that opportunity and then likely not even then.Luv Gloria

Can I add something to this? Like for one second I'm gonna wait for you to answer me and say "no" LOL!

Trudy, after I got thru with treatment, I was trying to find something I could do to bring some money into our house and make myself seem useful. Yep, my self esteem was shot, my brain was still fried, (remember, I took double the normal dosages of those nasty meds) and my body was still in pain... I had no idea about the fibro then. I wound up starting a little home based business. I started a Kay business. Now right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I am NOT encouraging you or anyone else to do that. In my case it wasn't a real smart financial move. It's one of those businesses where you never make money. But, I did learn some things. One was not to invest in a MLM anymore. But something interesting that I learned... when something is about to happen that is good, things have

a way of getting in your way to make that good thing difficult to get to. Did you ever notice how sometimes you can take one step forward only to get kicked back a couple of feet? Lots of times we do this to ourselves. We can sabotage our best efforts in our heads. Right now, your head is getting in your way. You are over thinking way too much. All those "what if's?" are exactly that... what if's. They are nothing concrete. When we are sick, it's hard to stay positive... it's even harder to not get negative cause we feel so damn bad. But somehow, especially going thru this treatment, we have to find the positive. We have to find that positive place and hold on to it.

Here is what happened to me... somewhere in the midst of that 48 weeks of hell that I went thru, in a rare moment of clarity, something dawned on me. I was actually pretty lucky. I was pretty sure I knew how I wound up with this virus, I was thinking that blood transfusion and I just as easily could have gotten blood that was tainted with HIV as well as HCV. But I didn't. There is a cure for HCV, there is still no cure for HIV. At that moment, I stopped thinking "why me?" and I turned it around to "why not me?".

My odds for getting thru treatment and having it work were less than 35%. I know what the average is but in my case, I was in deep trouble already. Plus the doctors never thought I could make it thru the entire process. I had horrible odds but you know what? In my head, at least I had odds. I convinced myself that I was going to be in that 35% no matter what. No wasn't an option for me. That's how I got thru treatment. Believing. Believing that I could do this and I would do this and guess what? I did. Part of getting thru treatment is attitude. Being positive is part of it but being pissed off is another part. I think you need to get pissed off and let this damn virus know who is in

control. Sometimes we need to find our inner fight. It's easy to lose it when you feel as sick as I know you do right now. But deep down in there... I know there is a ticked off Trudy who plans on winning this battle.

marie, I hope you are reading this too because all of this applies to you as well. Both of you are facing the very worst of circumstances albeit very different circumstances. But each of you has a hard road. Shoulders back, head up... and follow that damn yellow brick road would you? You can do this. I have faith.

Now, I want both of you to go grab a glass of water and a snack. Yes Trudy, you can have a corn dog, and marie, anything you can get down will work... Drink your water, eat your snack and then re-read this e-mail. Both Don's and mine. The road to Oz is waiting for you.

Hugs,Teri

On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

Hi Trudy

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

Its hard facing our possible futures, and our present state.

In 1980 I got blown up in that house out in west Oklahoma, and my 'youth' ended.

I saw my mortality for the first time, and man, what a shock mentally.

I could die???? OMG

You would think that with all the drugs and alcohol I had done, my brain would be fried already, but facing ones mortality is truely 'eye opening'.

Then theres all the physical disabilitys that I got slammed with in one second, and must now deal with forever.

BUT you know what?

Its been 30 years since that day, and Im still here, and Im still me.

A bit worn, but life is still good, and I can still crack my own stupid jokes, and laugh at them.

My body is shot at 60, but in my head, Im still that goofy 20 year old.

I think it was Teri who told you that - 'more than likely' - all your health woes right now are connected to the HCV meds.

That in time, the meds will flush from your body, and you will discover most of the old 'you'.

I totally agree with this, and I will bet that this is exactly what is going to happen to you.

Trudy, no matter what happens as far as your health goes......'anytime' that you choose to open your eyes, you will see that life is still beautiful.

We all worry about the 'what if's', and maybes, but these things dont have to dominate our here and now, and make us unhappy.

FOCUS on the good that you PRECIEVE, in and around you.

Make this your reality, and everything else will take second place....I promise you that this is a 'truth'.

Youve heard me say it many times - 'we have the power to be happy or sad, content or discontent'.

Gloria is a super example for all of us with this.

Failing HCV TX the first time [bummer], sucessful the second time, but wacked with cancer [ouch].

Beating the cancer to be wacked with losing her man, and maybe more cancer [OMG].

But listen to her - she is laughing in the face of all the demons that have been thrown at her.

Yeah her life is super hard, but she wont let go of the happiness that she desires.

She has found the 'secret' to living life to its fullest.....no matter what.

You can too Trudy.

Its ok to be scared about what 'might be'.

You wouldnt be human if you werent.

But that reality doesnt have to dominate you.

All you have to do is - 'smile' - and that demon is wooped.

We are all praying that the Oncologist finds nothing.

We are all blasting you with everything that is good.

Be strong Trudy - you can face anything, and still be the winner.

Know-what-I-mean?

love

don in ks

From: trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...>

Subject: [ ] Stress"Hcv" < >Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:09 AM

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the " fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so, that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle". One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15 yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age couldt keep up . Hubby and I went roller blading the day after we got

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter fishing trip ; later we went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed. I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do. It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad thought far back in the" closet " of her mind. Only you guys and

Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days. Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little positive " piece " of me. Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many others feel the same. This group has become a true family.

Ok , back to bed for a while...http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877 " "A well- behaved woman never made history"...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

That's my girl!  Way to go Gloria!  I'm so glad you are such a fighter!  I love ya honey.

Hugs,TeriOn Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 9:06 PM, Gloria <gadamscan@...> wrote:

 

Hey GalsI agree totally with Teri!!  Get mad and let the damn dragon know that it is not going to take you down.  Many, many weekends that's all I had.  That inner fight that I was not giving in to the beast.

Even the cancer!  I saw it the same way!  No way on this earth was I going to let it take me down and I never thought for a second that it wasn't going to be taken care of.  True, this little tiny thing that showed up recently, has had me down for awhile.  Then, just as I'm coming around for the fight, my husband passed away so suddenly.  However, when everything is done to wind up our affairs, I'll be right back in the fight for my liver.

Likely, I'll still be

screaming - you won't get me, to the cancer - right through everything else that might be in my future.  I still have away too much that I would like to do!!!  My greatest wish is that I can be part of the effort to educate everyone that I possibly can, to what this is and what it is not.  So, I'm not giving in one iota until I've had that opportunity and then likely not even then.

Luv Gloria

 

Can I add something to this?  Like for one second I'm gonna wait for you to answer me and say " no "  LOL!  

Trudy, after I got thru with treatment, I was trying to find something I could do to bring some money into our house and make myself seem useful.  Yep, my self esteem was shot, my brain was still fried, (remember, I took double the normal dosages of those nasty meds) and my body was still in pain...  I had no idea about the fibro then.  I wound up starting a little home based business.  I started a Kay business.  Now right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I am NOT encouraging you or anyone else to do that.  In my case it wasn't a real smart financial move.  It's one of those businesses where you never make money.  But, I did learn some things.  One was not to invest in a MLM anymore.  But something interesting that I learned...  when something is about to happen that is good, things have

a way of getting in your way to make that good thing difficult to get to.  Did you ever notice how sometimes you can take one step forward only to get kicked back a couple of feet?  Lots of times we do this to ourselves.  We can sabotage our best efforts in our heads.  Right now, your head is getting in your way.  You are over thinking way too much.  All those " what if's? " are exactly that... what if's.  They are nothing concrete.  When we are sick, it's hard to stay positive...  it's even harder to not get negative cause we feel so damn bad.  But somehow, especially going thru this treatment, we have to find the positive.  We have to find that positive place and hold on to it.  

Here is what happened to me...  somewhere in the midst of that 48 weeks of hell that I went thru, in  a rare moment of clarity, something dawned on me.  I was actually pretty lucky.  I was pretty sure I knew how I wound up with this virus, I was thinking that blood transfusion and I just as easily could have gotten blood that was tainted with HIV as well as HCV.  But I didn't.  There is a cure for HCV, there is still no cure for HIV.  At that moment, I stopped thinking " why me? " and I turned it around to " why not me? " .

My odds for getting thru treatment and having it work were less than 35%.  I know what the average is but in my case, I was in deep trouble already.  Plus the doctors never thought I could make it thru the entire process.  I had horrible odds but you know what?  In my head, at least I had odds.  I convinced myself that I was going to be in that 35% no matter what.  No wasn't an option for me.  That's how I got thru treatment.  Believing.  Believing that I could do this and I would do this and guess what?  I did.  Part of getting thru treatment is attitude.  Being positive is part of it but being pissed off is another part.  I think you need to get pissed off and let this damn virus know who is in

control.  Sometimes we need to find our inner fight.  It's easy to lose it when you feel as sick as I know you do right now.  But deep down in there...  I know there is a ticked off Trudy who plans on winning this battle.  

marie, I hope you are reading this too because all of this applies to you as well.  Both of you are facing the very worst of circumstances albeit very different circumstances.  But each of you has a hard road.  Shoulders back, head up...  and follow that damn yellow brick road would you?  You can do this.  I have faith.  

Now, I want both of you to go grab a glass of water and a snack.  Yes Trudy, you can have a corn dog, and marie, anything you can get down will work...  Drink your water, eat your snack and then re-read this e-mail.  Both Don's and mine.  The road to Oz is waiting for you.

Hugs,Teri

On Wed, Jan 5, 2011 at 5:03 PM, Christ <ludichrist2000@...> wrote:

 

Hi Trudy

Your thoughts and feelings are totally normal.

Its hard facing our possible futures, and our present state.

 

In 1980 I got blown up in that house out in west Oklahoma, and my 'youth' ended.

I saw my mortality for the first time, and man, what a shock mentally.

I could die???? OMG

You would think that with all the drugs and alcohol I had done, my brain would be fried already, but facing ones mortality is truely 'eye opening'.

Then theres all the physical disabilitys that I got slammed with in one second, and must now deal with forever.

 

BUT you know what?

Its been 30 years since that day, and Im still here, and Im still me.

A bit worn, but life is still good, and I can still crack my own stupid jokes, and laugh at them.

My body is shot at 60, but in my head, Im still that goofy 20 year old.

 

I think it was Teri who told you that - 'more than likely' - all your health woes right now are connected to the HCV meds.

That in time, the meds will flush from your body, and you will discover most of the old 'you'.

I totally agree with this, and I will bet that this is exactly what is going to happen to you.

 

Trudy, no matter what happens as far as your health goes......'anytime' that you choose to open your eyes, you will see that life is still beautiful.

We all worry about the 'what if's', and maybes, but these things dont have to dominate our here and now, and make us unhappy.

 

FOCUS on the good that you PRECIEVE, in and around you.

Make this your reality, and everything else will take second place....I promise you that this is a 'truth'.

Youve heard me say it many times - 'we have the power to be happy or sad, content or discontent'.

 

Gloria is a super example for all of us with this.

Failing HCV TX the first time [bummer], sucessful the second time, but wacked with cancer [ouch].

Beating the cancer to be wacked with losing her man, and maybe more cancer [OMG].

But listen to her - she is laughing in the face of all the demons that have been thrown at her.

Yeah her life is super hard, but she wont let go of the happiness that she desires.

She has found the 'secret' to living life to its fullest.....no matter what.

 

You can too Trudy.

 

Its ok to be scared about what 'might be'.

You wouldnt be human if you werent.

But that reality doesnt have to dominate you.

All you have to do is - 'smile' - and that demon is wooped.

 

We are all praying that the Oncologist finds nothing.

We are all blasting you with everything that is good.

Be strong Trudy - you can face anything, and still be the winner.

Know-what-I-mean?

 

love

don in ks

 

From: trudykinsey@... <trudykinsey@...>

Subject: [ ] Stress " Hcv " < >Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:09 AM

I will get more rest today. Hopefully that will boost my mood & the "   fight " in me. Yes, I'm afraid of what the oncologist will say. If so,  that will be a bad day . But I am not going to let the What ifs or the 

Could be's have control of all my days before Dr visit.Just need to rest and then be strong enough to do " battle " .   One of my biggest fears is that I beat the dragon, only to find  that I am still held down physically. Hubby so believs that a few 

months after tx & he will have his wife back like before. Hubby is 15  yrs younger. I knew to " date younger " simply cause most men my age  couldt keep up . Hubby and I went  roller blading the day after we got 

married. Our honeymoon took us on a charter  fishing trip ; later we  went to a rodeo.We are pretty much inseperatal (sp). We enjoy the same 

things, all are outdoors. His co workers tease him about he should  know to buy two of everything! He got a new pistol for Christmas. And   even Santa knows. I got a really cool XD 40 a day later. But here's 

what's sad about it. He came to the bedroom and woke me up to show my  new pistol. I went out and shot it a coupla times. Then back in bed.   I just don't know how many of my issues will still be here or how 

many will be gone with the HCV. None of us ever do.    It feels like all my Drs are deferring to the oncologist. It seems  that even the Drs have given up / wrote me off. Even family treats me  like I won't be here much longer. Becky says others see a much sicker 

person than just a coupla months ago.I think Becky even has a bad  thought far back in the " closet " of her mind.   Only you guys and

Hubby are thinking positive thoughts. I know  y'alls love and caring will bouy me up through the next 7 days.  Anyway, the train of thought at the beginning of this theraputic  ramble, was depression-fueled thoughts of how off tx and with NO 

dragon, I am still a mess. I may be but will gladly welcome any little  positive " piece " of me.    Many heart- felt thanks to every one of you. And I know many  others feel the same. This group  has become a true family.

   Ok , back to bed for a while...http://facebook.com/people/andTrudy-Kinsey/1340460877    "

      " A well- behaved woman never made history " ...Mae West

http://oktravels.wordpress.com  http://allrecipes.com/cook/TrudyK/profile.aspx

    ------------------------------------